I would say "you know who you are" , but it's obvious from the lack of change from my last letter that you are totally oblivious. I will admit some jealousy to your lack of self-awaredness, though it has changed my opinions little-to-none.
Things must be going better for you. The repertoire of your play list has changed in the last few days. No more rivers crying. You have revised your music to more upbeat desperate love songs. Did I hear some Pink in there today ? Own it girl - rock that new love feeling. Unfortunately I can't say it's done much for my feelings towards you. A throat punch may be a bit severe, I admit, so perhaps a light kick to the skull is more appropriate for our situation. Everyone needs a little sense knocked into them every once in a while. Consider it a gift.
The woman two rows down is still whistling - and still ahead of you on my hate list. Don't worry , you're inching your way up. Did you notice the nice little number she had on today ? Looked just like a cast member for Star Trek Enterprise. With a little change of wardrobe that could be you , darling. A little kitsch and your mindless droning could be conveyed as some sort of undergrad performance-art piece.
Maybe we should become friends. Then you could share your chocolate cake-for-breakfast with me in the morning and maybe I would hate my life a little less, but my thighs a little more. We could be besties and I could make you a mix tape , that way we could both enjoy the noise pollution you smoke out the office with 9 hours a day and it would be our secret joke. I would encourage you in whatever on-again , off-again relationship you're in. I would tell you that this love is real - that this man is the one.
Go to Bermuda. Get married. Have a million babies and be happy. Then maybe the hot Australian guy would come back in the office - and we would both have something to smile about.
Sincerely ,
Wits Ending
No comments:
Post a Comment